Sexy Haunted Cookies
by Parmelde Lorntiere
Summary: Dwight hasn't slept or eaten in a few days.  But he's convinced he's finally going to break the curse on Kurt and his haunted cookies.


I keep saying I'm not going to write another fanfic for Dalton. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to stop saying that.  
Anyway, this is based off of Glee and CP Coulter's Dalton. It also helps if you know or watch the Chips Ahoy commercial with the song Do You Think I'm Sexy? actually, you pretty much need to go look the commercial up on youtube and watch it if you don't know it otherwise this won't make sense.  
Basically, Dwight is sleep deprived and hungry yet is determined to break the curse on Kurt and his haunted cookies. Blaine is trying to sing a sexy song to Kurt. They get sexy haunted cookies.  
Nothing is mine, Glee is Ryan Murphy's, Dalton is CP Coulter's Song is Glee and Rod Stewart, Chips Ahoy comerical is Chips Ahoy commercial.

%&%&%%*%*%*%*%

Dwight was tired and hungry. He had been up straight the past three nights trying to break the curse on Kurt. He was fairly certain he had succeeded. It all went back to Kurt's cookies. They were just too good to be normal cookies. He looked at his clock. Perfect, he had about an hour to get everything set up. Finally he would break the curse on Kurt once and for all and then they could all go back to being happy.

%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&

"Harvey and Medel can't be here today." Wes said from the front table. "Therefore we have been appointed council in their stead." He motioned to himself, Thad, and David.

"What's wrong with Harvey and Medel?" Reed asked concerned.

Wes shrugged. "They didn't say. Just said to talk about possible song choices for regionals."

"Speaking of regionals Kurt and I have some information on what the judges are going to be looking for." Blaine spoke up.

"You're honestly going to trust what Coach Sylvester said? She plays dirty, if she's coaching Oral Intensity she's going to try to lead us in the wrong direction." Kurt reminded him.

"Right, she would expect us to do the opposite of what she suggested, so that really means we should do what she suggested instead." Blaine counter argued.

Kurt stared at him in confusion as did the rest of the Warblers.

"Wait, what did she say?" David asked.

"The judges are looking for sex appeal, something sexy." Blaine stated.

"That shouldn't be too hard." The twins said grinning at each other.

"I actually have something I've been working on…" Blaine started to say.

"Oh we know!" Ethan nodded.

"And we're going to help you!" Evan got up with his twin and they waited for Blaine who sat stunned for a minute before grinning and going up to join the twins.

"Kurt, should we be scared?" Reed asked leaning over to him.

"I don't know yet. But don't worry I have a tin of emergency cookies in my bag if things start going bad." Kurt reassured him.

"Cookies?" Reed asked hopefully.

Kurt shook his head. "Not now, I don't want to get mauled."

"Please? Just one?" Reed pleaded. Kurt made the mistake of looking at Reed's face and sighing reached into his bag and pulled out a cookie. Reed smiled and leaned back quickly eating the cookie. They both turned to watch the trio at the front of the room.

As the song started Kurt felt his jaw drop and his face go red. This was not going to end well.

_She sits alone waiting for suggestions  
he's so nervous avoiding all the questions.  
His lips are dry her heart is gently pounding  
don't you just know exactly what they're thinking_

Blaine looked at Kurt and sang the chorus directly to him.

_If you want my body and you think I'm sexy  
come on sugar let me know.  
If you really need me just reach out and touch me  
come on honey tell me so.  
Tell me so, baby._

Kurt stared at him transfixed. He wanted Blaine so badly, but they were in Warblers practice for goodness sake! What was Blaine doing?

%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&

Dwight hid behind one of the chairs that was against the wall and a bookcase. No one had noticed that it was pushed out into the room more. He hadn't known Harvey and Medel were going to be gone. This was good though, it would make things a lot easier. He had carefully set everything up before Warbler practice began and then hidden himself so he could be there to finally banish the evil that was trapped in Kurt. Probably contaminated him through all the hairspray he used.

His stomach grumbled a bit but he quieted it and forced himself to wait just a little longer before he could get something to eat. Wait…did Kurt just hand Reed a cookie? His stomach growled louder. No, he wouldn't eat the cookies. They were probably haunted anyway.

Blaine began to sing all the time looking at Kurt and dancing towards him. Dwight stared at him unable to look away.

_He's acting shy looking for an answer,  
Come on honey, let's spend the night together,  
Now hold on a minute before we go much further,  
Give me a dime so I can 'phone my mother,  
They catch a cab to his high rise apartment,  
At last he can tell her exactly what his heart meant._

Dwight blinked. Blaine looked good enough to eat.

_If you want my body and you think I'm sexy  
come on honey tell me so.  
If you really need me just reach out and touch me  
come on sugar let me know._

He shook his head. Where had that thought come from? He narrowed his eyes. He had to stop getting distracted.

_His heart's beating like a drum  
'cos at last he's got his girl home  
relax baby now we are alone  
Oh_

Blaine danced closer to Kurt during this and the music interlude. He stopped right in front of him as he began the chorus again.

_If you want my body and you think I'm sexy  
come on sugar let me know._

As Blaine had been dancing closer to Kurt, Dwight had been walking closer to Blaine. Blaine who looked so good and full of chocolate, his ridiculously bushy eyebrows looked especially yummy.

_If you really need me just reach out and touch me  
_

Kurt leaned closer to Blaine, reaching out to touch him, but Dwight grabbed him first and bit his shoulder.

"What the…?" Kurt asked his eyes wide.

"Ow Dwight, what are you going?" Blaine yelled pushing him off.

Dwight feel to the floor and looked up at Blaine, blinking. "You're Kurt's cookie. I want to eat you."

Kurt's jaw dropped while Blaine sputtered. Everyone else just looked on in confusion and slight amusement.

Blaine shook his head to clear it before kneeling down by the hunter. "Dwight have you slept at all the last day, or eaten?"

Dwight stared at him, not really comprehending. Those eyebrows, they were beautiful, beautiful pieces of chocolate just waiting to be eating. He lunged forward.

Kurt grabbed Blaine and pulled him back. "Dwight!" he yelled.

Dwight pushed his face up from the floor. "All I want is to eat Blaine's eyebrows! They're so big and chocolaty!"

"Oh for goodness sakes." Kurt said going to his bag and pulling out the tin of cookies. "Here!" he said opening it and handing it to Dwight. He immediately began to eat them. "Now stop trying to eat my boyfriend!" Kurt yelled exasperatedly. Dwight just nodded and continued to eat.

%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&

"Well that turned into a rather non productive rehearsal." Kurt bit out as they were walking back to Windsor.

"True, but it was pretty hilarious. I will never be able to look at your face without thinking of your 'big chocolaty' eyebrows again Blaine!" Wes said clapping his friend on the shoulder.

David and Wes fist bumped. "Don't worry though Kurt, no one's going to be eating your boyfriends eyebrows, or any other part of him except you." David said winking at him.

Kurt just glared. "I think we need to do a better job keeping an eye on Dwight, making sure he's able to function properly."

"Aww, come on Kurt. Just because he ruined your boyfriend serenading you a sexy song doesn't mean you have to be all mean to him." Evan said grinning.

"It was probably good he did interrupt. I really didn't want to see you two getting it on in the middle of practice." Ethan added.

"We wouldn't have done anything during practice!" Kurt yelled.

Reed snorted. "Wouldn't have known that by the look on your face."

Kurt glared at his friend. "The last thing I want is for all of you, much less the rest of the Warblers, being around when I'm with Blaine. So leave." He said raising an eyebrow pointedly as they were at Blaine's door and it looked like everyone was going to come in to hang out.

"But we always hang out in Blaine's room!" Wes whined.

"Too bad. Blaine's going to give me a private repeat performance of his song and then I will let him know exactly what I think of it and none of you are going to get in the way this time!" Kurt demanded.

Blaine grinned. He loved when Kurt was in control.

The boys grumbled and slowly began to disperse. "You better stick to Blaine's bed! I do not want to have to think of you two when I sit on the couch, it will be bad enough being in the room alone after this." Wes commented.

Kurt just slammed the door in his face. Taking a deep breath he turned and faced Blaine. "Now, how did that song go?"


End file.
